MOTORISTS THWART RED LIGHT CAMERAS WITH CAPTCHA LICENSE PLATES

Argonicle Sump's new CAPTCHA plate.
(Yes, we did advise him that his rear plate
was incorrectly affixed to the front of his car)

"I don't worry about red light cameras anymore," said 28-year-old Argonicle Sump, an auto enthusiast whose fishing fly lip piercing points straight at the ground like a plumb-bob even when he cocks his head to one side, which he does repeatedly during even normal conversation.  

Three months ago,  Sump installed new California license plates that feature CAPTCHA generated characters, which the manufacturer claims cannot be read by speed and red light cameras.  "I haven't had a ticket since I got them," Sump said while stroking his piercing's vibrant pheasant tail feathers.

Parksplug sent an email to the DMV requesting comment, however, in a reply, spokesperson Piñata Jean Buttonwillow said the agency was too busy replacing faded directional floor stripes and adhesive footprints to respond.

SAY IT AIN'T SO! 707 HP DODGE HELLCAT CANCELED--REPLACED WITH FOUR-CYLINDER CHALLENGER/CHARGER HOUSECAT

DODGE SAYS INCREASINGLY STRINGENT MILEAGE REGULATIONS TO BLAME

2015 Challenger Housecat photographed during testing

Dodge fans are expressing dismay and disbelief following the automaker's announcement that the highly-anticipated supercharged 707-horsepower Hellcat V8 has been canceled, only to be replaced with a new version of the Dart's 1.4 liter turbocharged engine dubbed the Housecat.   

"While an incredible engine, the Hellcat just didn't work from a fuel efficiency standpoint," explained Dodge spokesperson Tulip Schnout.  Under the hood of new Challenger and Charger Housecat models is a higher performance version of the 1.4 liter MultiAir turbo four rated at 162-horsepower, compared to 160 in the Dart.  The only transmission available is a DMDC6ST, or double-mostly-dry-clutch-6-speed-transmission.  

"Once they experience the efficiency and drivability of the Housecat, we're sure drivers will completely forget about the Hellcat motor," said Schnout.    

IF DENTISTS DESIGNED CAR INTERIORS...