AS AUTO INDUSTRY GOES DIGITAL, SPEEDOMETER NEEDLE MANUFACTURER SEARCHES FOR NEW MARKETS

SPEEDLE SETTING SALES RECORDS SELLING NEEDLES 

TO BLOWGUN-SHOOTING PYGMIES 

Analog speedometers are slowly going the way of the incandescent bulb and actor Skeet Ulrich's career. As more and more automakers install full digital dashboards, analog speedo makers have hit upon hard times.  Except one.  Speedle, a manufacturer of speedometer needles dating back to the mid-1950's, has struck pay dirt by selling their pointed, bright red plastic wares to blowgun-shooting Pygmy hunters. 

Speedle Marketing Director Darius Funicello demonstrates how to shoot
a speedometer needle-firing blowgun for a group of Pygmies

"They love them," said Speedle Marketing Director Darius Funicello. "Unlike their old darts, the needles don't dissolve in the poison, which is quite powerful as it's made from a mixture of curare and Scott's Liquid Gold, and being bright red, they're easy to spot so you don't accidentally sit on one."  

According to Funicello, Speedle is not just making money, but setting all-time sales records. "It's all because of the Pygmies.  We love 'em," he said, adding, "I just wish Blix was still around to see this." Sadly, Blix Cammerammeran, Speedle's former CEO, died two years ago from an overdose of fish oil pills.