MAYAN CALENDAR PREDICTED THE DEMISE OF PLYMOUTH

According to the Mayans, the
Plymouth Prowler should have had a V-8

The archaeologist who last year discovered the fossil of a prehistoric Stig on a cave wall in Doorbell-upon-Avon in the English countryside is back in the news again.  

At a press conference this morning, Dr. Milgus Knopf of the University of the Unctuous Grommet announced his discovery that the Mayan calendar thousands of years ago predicted the end of Chrysler's Plymouth division.

Knopf said he spent "quite a while" studying the historic calendar that was discovered in 3114 B.C., which is near present-day Vancouver, B.C.  "The Mayans predicted the demise of Plymouth over two thousand years ago," said Knopf.  "They predicted two things would lead to the company's failure: the introduction of the Plymouth Breeze and the lack of a V-8 in the Prowler."  

Dr. Milgus Knopf discovered this fossil of
an ancient Stig in a cave in England

Knopf, whose name is pronounced Knopf, said "hours and hours" of work studying the calendar were nearly lost when the circular treasure fell off  the chiffonier in his office and shattered, but he was able to get another one at Crate and Barrel.