BIG WIN FOR U.S. POSTAL SERVICE IN BAJA 500

It was celebration time yesterday for the half-million employees of the U.S. Postal Service after the federal agency took the checkered flag in the challenging Baja 500 off-road race.  

A race-prepared USPS Grumman LLV truck beat back entries from competitors UPS, FedEx and DHL to win the coveted trophy in the light to medium-duty package delivery vehicle class.

Ecstatic employees at post offices around the country opened crates of customers' champagne and stuck postage stamps to one another's foreheads.  "This is huge!" exclaimed USPS Zip Code Specialist Cricket Peese as she sipped champagne and munched on styrofoam packing peanuts.

Winning race driver Jon (pronounced "John") Feetersley told Parksplug that modifications to the winning truck were few.  "We bored the motor out from 2.2 liters to 2.3, and put a new set of Hankooks on it, and that was about it," said Feeters.  

Baja race committee president Buck Riviera said the trophy will be FedEx'd to the Postal Service tomorrow.