4 INDICATIONS THAT YOU'RE A PORTLAND DRIVER

ONE:  While Ubering to the community vegetable garden, your driver is forced to thread his way between a guy walking his therapy micro pig on a leash and a dozen nude protestors dangling from ropes off an overpass.

TWO:  While getting into your vehicle, you accidentally impale yourself with the wooden stick protruding from a Voodoo Doughnuts "voodoo doll" that you inadvertently left on the seat.

THREE:  You have two Volvo PV544's.  One has been converted to electric power and the other runs on organic virgin hemp oil.

FOUR:  The car you're driving is registered to a feral cat doula named Pheather who sometimes lives in a yurt in the vacant lot next door. While she seems friendly, she's been rendered unintelligible by her nine tongue studs made from fossilized tree sap.