SPACE NEWS: ORION'S BELT ON LAST HOLE

SCIENTISTS ABOARD AIRBORNE OBSERVATORY BLAME OBESITY EPIDEMIC 

Orion's Belt, part of the constellation Orion, has expanded to the point that it's down to its last hole, said astronomer Dr. Huang O'Flaherty.  

Addressing members of the International Conference of Astronomers yesterday, O'Flaherty said, "Good morning.  Thank you for coming today."  

Then, he went on to tell the audience that Orion's Belt has expanded so much there's no more room.  "The stars are bulging over the belt and there aren't any more holes," he said.    

Artist-enhanced photograph of the
enlarged Big Dipper with old,
faint outline underneath

Astrophysicists claim obesity is to blame for the deformation of the cluster of stars.  "There's little mankind can do," O'Flaherty explained.  "I mean, it's not like we can take an ice pick to make another hole in the belt."  

He also stated Orion's Belt is not the only star cluster that has grown fatter.  "Have you seen the Big Dipper lately?  It looks like a baked potato with a straw stuck in it.  So much for heavenly bodies."