CALIFORNIA TO MANDATE SWITCH TO PAPER AIRBAGS

The State of California will ban the use of nylon airbags for vehicles and require that all cars sold in the state come equipped with paper airbags, according to a source who requested anonymity but is nevertheless being identified by Parksplug as 34-year-old state congressional aide Louis "Louie" Lewey.

"The problem with nylon is that in order to recycle it you first have to grind it up into teeny little pellets using a small hand-crank meat grinder, which is very labor intensive," Lewey said just before fleeing the state.  It is not yet known if vehicle manufacturers will supply the paper bags or if customers will be required to provide their own.