NISSAN, MAZDA TRY TO DUMP "CHICK CAR" IMAGE

"I've been told my Miata looks like Heather Locklear,"
said proud owner Mindee Skifford

 "This is the kind of thing that keeps us up at night," said somber Mazda spokesman Arche Harpalyke, after being shown the photograph of Mindee Skifford's adorned Miata at left, which may have ended up on the right.  After years of being considered a "chick car," by many would-be male buyers, the Miata is undergoing big changes as Mazda tries to "macho it up a bit."

The result, shown below in an exclusive Parksplug photo, is the new Miato.  "The new name sounds tough, like it might be a Charles Bronson character, doesn't it?" asked Harpalyke.

Mazda grafted the CX-5 crossover's front clip onto the roadster and added a unique honeycomb grill.  "That's a real honeycomb," boasted Harpalyke.  "There are even some bees in there."

The new Mazda Miato features a
manly genuine honeycomb grill

Mazda isn't the only company trying to dodge the "chick car" appellation.  A few years ago, Volkswagen lowered the Beetle and gave it a more square shape.  But perhaps the biggest change is to Nissan's Leaf.  The company has been showing off a new model called the Leaf Beef, with a sporty new grill--superfluous  for an electric vehicle--as well as new headlights, hood scoop, and truck mirrors and marker lights.

Nissan Leaf Beef 

While it remains to be seen whether the changes are enough to alter male perceptions, animal rights groups are already giving the Beef and Miato (yes, that does sound like a soup flavor) with its real honeycomb grill an ardent thumbs-down.


"The name "Beef," especially for an electric car, is outrageous," complained animal rights activist Feather Plack.  "Red meat is more toxic than an old FEMA trailer," she said, adding, "and stealing bees' honeycombs for use as a stupid car grill is just wrong."  I've already activated the phone tree to get everyone together for a protest."

SPIED! 2016 CADILLAC CIMARRON!

CHEVY CRUZE-BASED SMALL LUXURY SEDAN 

REPORTEDLY A YEAR AWAY

Next-generation Cimarron by Cadillac caught on camera during testing.
This car is equipped with the Brougham (pronounced "Brome") package ("pak'-edge"),
which includes an elegant vinyl roof cover in cotton ball white

More than eighteen people are rejoicing today after Cadillac announced at a press conference today that the Cimarron by Cadillac will rejoin the automaker's lineup. Rumors had been circulating wildly among the unstable, as well as fans of vinyl tops and jigsaw puzzles that the sporty luxury sedan, which first appeared during the 1982 model year, would soon make a return appearance.  

Spy photographer
Bunny Prickles

Cadillac, which insists upon calling the car by the overblown label Cimarron by Cadillac, had little choice but to confirm the rumors after veteran spy photographer Bunny Prickles, who is presumably either a man or woman, snapped a picture of the "CbyC" undergoing testing.  

"It will be a distinctly chic ("sheek"), sporty and economical addition to our lineup," said Cadillac spokesperson Mynot Nord.  "And, yes, there will be a Brougham package with a vinyl roof!" he shouted with such passion that his ears glowed red and he complained of feeling momentarily faint.  

When asked, Nord declined to disclose the base price of the car or what engine(s) will lie under the hood, and instead indignantly retorted, "Why don't you go ask Bunny Prickles?!" before he fainted. 

HEADLINES OFF THE PARKSPLUG WIRES

ONLY 20-PERCENT OF DADS WHO THREATENED TO "TURN THIS CAR AROUND" ACTUALLY DID SO, RESEARCHERS SAY.  

Angry over repeatedly being left in the car,
Bubbles, 3, took matters into her own paws,
locking her owner inside the cargo area of the hatchback.
Bubbles also took the car keys and dropped them into
a hole she dug in an unknown location

PISSED OFF DOG LEAVES OWNER LOCKED IN CAR WHILE SHE FROLICS AT DOG PARK




GEICO ADMITS THE TIME SPAN IN THE "15 MINUTES CAN SAVE YOU 15-PERCENT ON CAR INSURANCE" AD CAMPAIGN DOES NOT INCLUDE TIME SPENT ON HOLD LISTENING TO SEEMINGLY ENDLESS MUSICAL LOOP OF MUSICBOX DANCER.  

KUMHO'S NEW LINE OF HIGH-PERFORMANCE WHITE LETTER TIRES UNVEILED

We think the lettering says something like "high-performance" or
"all-season" or "steel belted" or maybe "variable groove angle geometry"
but we're not sure

COMING SOON: FREE-RANGE ROVERS

A Free-Range Rover shares a pasture with free-range cows

Land Rover announced today that, beginning with 2016 models, Range Rover will become Free-Range Rover.  And it's not just a name change--the "free-range" designation requires that vehicles be allowed to roam outside at least part of the time.  

Range Rover owner, beekeeper and freelance colon hydrotherapist Temple Corpel-Klotz applauded the move.  "People spend $100-thousand on an SUV and they think they're protecting it by locking it up inside a garage, but in reality, these are utility vehicles, and they really should be allowed to roam freely outside," said Corpel-Klotz.   

LandRoverFreeRangeRoverJaguar spokesman Titus Bone said the company has already begun dismantling dealership showrooms.  "We're adding grasslands and other natural settings to all our dealerships."

The company's announcement was met with scorn from Lexus spokesman Gusley Notz. "You're kidding me, right?  What's next?  Are they going to claim their vehicles are sugar-free and all-natural?" asked Notz, who conceded that his company's LX model competes with Free-Range Rover.  

Asked to respond, Free-Range Rover spokesman Bone acknowledged that, while their SUVs do not contain sugar, they're not all-natural. "We do add artificial color," he said.      

ROLLS-ROYCE OWNERS REPORT SEEING UFOs IN "STARLIGHT" HEADLINER

Rolls-Royce's dazzling Starlight Headliner features hundreds of LEDs stitched into the fabric to mimic a star-filled sky.  But a number Rolls owners quietly admit they've seen unidentified flying objects zip among the headliner's luminous points of light.

A backseat passenger took this photo of a UFO that
mysteriously appeared in a Rolls-Royce Wraith's
 Starlight Headliner

One owner who did not want to be identified told Parksplug, "We went to the opera to see Mon Petit Cornichon, and on the way home, a small disc-shaped object appeared from behind my sunvisor, streaked across the ceiling almost striking the dome light, and then disappeared.  Our friend who was sitting in the back seat snapped a picture of it with her phone."

Rolls-Royce spokesman Alistair Diddiewhistle said the company has not received any reports of UFOs appearing in the Starlight Headliner.  "We suspect that perhaps these individuals are a tad barmy," he commented.    

NEW SHOW THAT WOULD HAVE PAIRED TOP GEAR'S RICHARD HAMMOND WITH WHEELER DEALERS MECHANIC EDD CHINA NIXED

Wheeler Dealers mechanic Edd China (L) and Top Gear host

Richard Hammond (R) in photo from pilot episode.

BBC canceled the proposed program without explanation

BBC CITES UNDISCLOSED TECHNICAL ISSUES FOR SERIES' CANCELLATION 

PARKSPLUG ROAD TEST: ASTON-MARTIN V12 VANTAGE S ROADSTER!

When eight cylinders under the hood of your Aston-Martin just aren't enough, perhaps a 5.9 liter V12 packing 565 horsepower would be more to your liking.  It certainly makes our collective duck quack here at Parksplug.  So we asked Aston-Martin to loan us a new V12 Vantage S Roadster for a short-term test. 

Editors note:  We actually never heard back from Aston-Martin, so instead, we'll be using the specifications and test results from the 1971 Ford Maverick pictured below.  

Aston-Martin calls the Vantage V12 S its "most ferocious sports car," an apt description given its 170-cubic inch (2.8 liter) Thriftpower inline 6, a 105-horsepower brute that finds favor with sports car enthusiasts and early Ford Econoline drivers alike.  Firing up this pushrod powerplant is performed not by pressing a trendy dashboard button, but rather with the twist of a three-inch-long metal key the shape of a residential mailbox (including the post).   

Once idling, our test vehicle, easily identified as an S model by the trunk-mounted wing and five-spoke wheels sprayed with Kilz primer in a sensational hue Aston-Martin calls "Silver", hissed like a capsized tortoise due to a hole in the pony keg-sized muffler.  Above 2,000 rpm, though, the engine note from the single 1.5-inch diameter tailpipe drones earnestly like a Conair hair clipper.  Rather than the lightning-quick dual clutch transmissions installed in many supercars, Aston has wisely stuck with the tried-and-true three-speed full-sychro manual with column-mounted shifter.   

Blackout rear panel, rear wing and Kilz-primer painted steel wheels
are head-turners 

While previous Aston-Martin interiors have drawn criticism, the well-heeled buyers of the Vantage S will discover an attractively simple layout replete with aromatic vinyls, pleasantly grained plastics and moderately stained nylon carpets overlying cushy asbestos foam padding.  

The church pew-soft front bench seat is upholstered mainly in naugahyde, but interspersed with somewhat matching color panels covered with an exotic and clingy fabric that provides lateral support for occupants while attracting more lint than Beth Chapman's bellybutton.  

Instrumentation is comprehensive, with a lovely two-binnacle dashboard, one consisting of a large 120 mph speedometer with a coffee-stirrer-like red needle, with a fuel gauge and warning lights for temp, oil, alt, and brakes filling the other.  Farther to the right is a handy flip-out ashtray that, if sufficiently bent, can accommodate a smartphone.  One Parksplug staffer who has since been sentenced to prison wrote that the Vantage's interior design is among Britain's best, akin to that of a Morris or Commer.  

Unfortunately, just as instrumented testing was to begin, the Aston's owner returned and demanded that we return the car.  Our argument that the keys were left in the vehicle held little sway with law enforcement officers (see note about staffer/prison in paragraph above).  
However, based on the Aston's torque rating of 148 lb. ft. and relatively light curb weight of 2478 pounds, we estimate a 0 to 60 time in the low fortnights.                                           PP
   

CONGRESSMAN WHO HAMMERED GM DURING RECALL HEARINGS QUITS TO SPEND MORE TIME WITH SOMEONE ELSE'S FAMILY

Rep. Dickie Scribbles

Rep. Dickie Scribbles, one of General Motors' harshest critics during recall hearings last summer, has announced that he will resign next month in order to spend more time with someone else’s family. “My family is nice and all, but I really like my neighbor’s wife and kids more,” said Scribbles, adding that his neighbor’s wife is better looking and her kids are better behaved than his own.

The congressman told reporters he’s found it too time-consuming to sit on committees berating others while also trying to engage in an ongoing affair with his neighbor’s wife. “I’ve always said that family comes first,” said Scribbles. “I just didn’t say whose family I was referring to.”

TOYOTA TO TARGET DECEASED ENVIRONMENTALIST MARKET WITH PRIUS HEARSE

Dealers were recently shown this photograph
of the proposed Prius Hearse 

A veteran auto industry analyst said today that Toyota is making a smart move by bringing to market a hybrid hearse this summer.  "I think they see a big market there," said Rob "Bob" Hopper of Hopper and Hopper Communications.  "I don't know for sure, but I suspect a lot of dead people still care about the environment."  Toyota declined to comment on the story, but a photograph of a concept Prius hearse was recently shown to dealers.

LINCOLN ADVISED TO DUMP DASH-MOUNTED PILLBOX IN EFFORT TO ATTRACT YOUNGER BUYERS

For the past few years, Lincoln has been busy revamping its lineup in an attempt to appeal to younger buyers, a move automotive analysts say is long overdue.  But while the automaker has introduced compelling new designs and cutting-edge infotainment systems, there's one outdated component that has endured:  the dashboard-mounted seven-day pillbox.  

The seven-day pillbox will continue to be offered as standard
equipment in all Lincoln models, according to the company

"It's a throwback to their old demographic," said automotive statistician DeeDeeDee McFee of DeeDeeDeeMcFee LLC, who revealed that, prior to the debut of the automaker's so-called Reimagine Project designs, the average age of a Lincoln buyer was "cadaverous." 

"Even younger people take pills," countered Lincoln spokesman Wilbur Gnoosingham.  "We had a 28-year-old guy buy a new MKC just yesterday.  He loved the pillbox because he takes pills for hair loss.  He had a head like a snare drum."   

IN OTHER NEWS...

TASER COOKBOOK HITS BEST SELLER LIST

After years of being used almost solely by law enforcement officers, the Taser stun gun is now finding favor with chefs around the world as they discover the art of cooking using shock-inducing darts.

Thierry the pastry chef was
struck by wayward Taser dart

“I love it,” said renowned chef Bushrod Gaffney. “It took me awhile to figure out how to aim it. I once fired at a pork roast but shot a dart my pastry chef Thierry’s thigh. He collapsed face-down into a plate of hazelnut puffs.  “We still laugh about it, although he now has a vexing facial twitch,” chuckled Gaffney.

Gaffney has been cooking with a Taser for two years now and has authored a best-selling cookbook with hundreds of recipes for cooking chicken, beef and pork dishes.  The book is entitled, “Tase Meat, Bro!”

IF THE DOW JONES INDUSTRIAL AVERAGE INFLUENCED VEHICLE DESIGN...

BOEING COMPLAINS FORD HOGGING ALUMINUM SUPPLY TO BUILD NEW F-150

AEROSPACE GIANT RESORTS TO BUYING RECYCLED ALUMINUM 
CANS FROM THE HOMELESS TO COMPLETE JET ORDERS

Boeing's plant in Everett, Washington normally is a busy place, with new airliners being constructed inside the enormous assembly building, while others sit parked on the tarmac waiting for delivery to airlines worldwide.  But these days, the Boeing property looks more like an aircraft graveyard, as dozens of new airliners are stalled in various stages of construction because of a shortage of aluminum.  Who's to blame?  Boeing execs point the finger squarely at the Ford Motor Company.  

Homeless man (lower right) waits in front of an unfinished
airliner and a mountain of scrap aluminum to sell Boeing a bag of
recycled cans he carried on his bicycle.  

"We never ran out of aluminum until Ford decided they just had to have an aluminum pickup truck," said Bodie Yampacker, Boeing's Director of Production. "All the aluminum is going to the Ford plant."   

The strong but lightweight metal is so scarce that Boeing has been forced to purchase recycled aluminum cans from the homeless just to keep up with orders from airlines.  
"We get maybe two hundred guys a day who ride their bicycles over here loaded with hundreds of pounds of crushed cans," said Yampacker.  "God bless 'em," he said, "They're saving our ass."  But the frustrated Yampacker doesn't have such complimentary words for Ford.  "I don't get why they need an aluminum truck anyway. I mean, it doesn't fly.  I hope it melts."  

BREAKING NEWS: REMAINS OF JIMMY HOFFAMEISTER FOUND

DESIGNER OF FAMOUS HOFFAMEISTER KINK DISAPPEARED NEARLY 40 YEARS AGO

The remains of Jimmy Hoffameister, who started out as a union leader but later became famous for designing the Hoffameister Kink, a styling element that became de rigueur among owners of early 70's limousines, were discovered yesterday near a desert highway rest stop near Coachella, California.  

Hoffameister Kink limo window design
 became fashionable among wealthy
"businessmen" in the early 1970's.  

Hoffameister disappeared in 1975, three years after he allegedly used a barbecue fork to etch an idea he had for a car window design into a competitor's forehead.  The design later became known as the Hoffameister Kink.
Police believe the remains were unearthed by either a hungry chuckwalla or desert tortoise.  

HARSH PAYBACK FOR WOMAN WHO INADVERTENTLY FLIPS OFF HER OWN HAIRDRESSER IN TRAFFIC

Belva Bubbler swears she didn't know the motorist she flipped off in traffic was her own hair stylist.  "She was tailgating me, so I flipped her off," explained Bubbler.  It turns out Bubbler was on her way to an appointment with that very stylist, later identified as 46-year-old Shasta "Toodie" Delfinnigan.  

"I'll never flip off anyone
ever again," claims Belva Bubbler

"Honest to God, I didn't know it was Toodie behind me or I never would have flipped her off," said a sobbing Bubbler. "I shouldn't have done it, but she never gave me a chance to apologize; she just starting whacking away."

Delfinnigan admitted having anger management issues and said she addresses them by performing alternate nostril breathing exercises and drinking Zoloft smoothies.  She agreed to try to "fix" Bubbler's hair.

ONLINE TRAVEL AGENCY WITH GARDEN GNOME TO MARKET TRIPS ABOARD TUNNEL BORING MACHINE

Although we accidentally threw away the media release and, at press time, were unable to remember the name of the company, that online travel agency that features a pointy-headed garden gnome in their television commercials announced today it will soon begin offering journeys on a customized tunnel boring machine.

Artist's conception of gnome-featuring
company's passenger TBM. Citing lack
of skills, Parksplug subsequently
demoted "artist" to editor position.

“It’s going to be the next big thing in travel,” claimed Waldorf Pflug, that company's Director of Subterranean Junkets, adding, “There’s flying, and travel on land and sea.  The only direction left to go is down.”

"These weeklong journeys will appeal to many different types of travelers," said Pflug, "including, those who don’t like the sun, but do enjoy leisurely travel, soil, loud noise, and a lot of shimmying and vibration.

LUCA DI MONTEZEMOLO SPOTTED DRIVING FIERO-BASED FERRARI REPLICA

REVERSAL OF FORTUNE FOR FORMER FERRARI CEO?

As Ferrari chief, Luca di Montezemolo employed a bright red 562-horsepower 458 Italia as his everyday commuter.  But just weeks after resigning his position with the Maranello automaker, di Montezemolo has been seen behind the wheel of a far more pedestrian conveyance--a Ferrari replica on a mid-80's Pontiac Fiero platform.  

di Montezemolo's Fiero-based Ferrari replica
shown parked near his home

"It's really quite sad," said Bonfilio Ruffini, a neighbor of di Montezemolo's who asked that his name not be disclosed.  "He's trying to keep up appearances, but he went from driving a brilliant motorcar to an Iron Duke-motored wheezer."   

HEADLINES OFF THE PARKSPLUG WIRES

STATE OF VERMONT TO REPLACE ROAD SALT WITH MRS. DASH

The state of Vermont has decided to go salt-free.  On its roadways, that is.  "We used almost 110-thousand tons of salt on our roads last winter," said Vermont Department of Transportation spokesperson Leontine Fwop.  

"Too much salt causes high road pressure and harms wildlife," claimed Fwop, adding, "I've heard we have the saltiest muskrats in the northeast, and that's nothing to be proud of." State legislators will reportedly choose between Basil Garlic and Fiesta Lime flavors.   

PORSCHE'S NEXT TARGA EXCLUSIVELY FOR NBA PLAYERS

Next Targa (shown above) will only be sold
to NBA players, says Porsche

Porsche has confirmed it will target NBA players with its next Targa model to be released in the 2016 model year.  "So many NBA players like Porsches we decided to build a special model for them," explained company spokesman Dieter "Dub" Euleflügel.  

In addition to a raised windshield and Targa roof bar, the model will also feature less seat stuffing and larger footwells.  

NHTSA AND IIHS STAFFERS ARRESTED FOLLOWING BRAWL AT VEHICLE SAFETY CONFERENCE 

A police officer arrests IIHS employee
Castor Nitts after he allegedly struck
a NHTSA staffer with a roasted duck leg

Police arrested a half-dozen people yesterday afternoon after a fight broke out among attendees of a vehicle crash safety conference near downtown LaJunta.  Police spokesperson Bobolink Godwin said blows were exchanged between staff members of the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety (IIHS) and employees of the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA).  

Police say the suspect used this
duck leg to assault another man

 According to waitress Magenta Geasley, the fight broke out just as lunch was being served on the patio.  "Two guys got into an argument over a female crash test dummy, and one guy hit the other one with a slow-cooked duck leg and dumped a plate of melon carpaccio in his lap."
  

Police said it's not the first time the two groups have clashed.  "At last year's conference, they fought over partial offset crash tests," said Godwin.  

HOPING TO SPARK SALES, TESLA ANNOUNCES NEW MODEL S INCENTIVE

BUY A NEW TESLA MODEL S, GET A FREE BOTTLE OF ELON MUSK OIL COLOGNE

(while supplies last)

DO FLAT BOTTOM STEERING WHEELS LEAD TO FLAT BOTTOM DRIVERS?

Peabo Meinecke before (L),
and six weeks after purchasing
his 2014 Audi S4

AUDI'S SALES SKYROCKET AFTER OWNERS REPORT  LOSING THEIR RUMP HUMP

Audi is on a roll.  The German automaker's sales are up nearly 15% this year over 2013.  But it's what's driving that sales surge that might surprise you. "Simply put, many of us have discovered that driving a car with a flat bottom steering wheel makes our own bottoms flatter," said Audi S4 owner Peabo Meinecke.  

The flat-bottom steering wheel
in Peabo Meinecke's Audi

Meinecke has owned his supercharged S4 for just six weeks, but he's already showing off his newly deflated derriere.  "I've tried for years to slim down," said the 341-pound Meinecke. "I even walked three miles like a drum major while clenching my buttocks and whistling, but nothing seemed to work--until I bought my Audi with its flat bottom steering wheel, that is."  

 Audi declined to comment, although a spokesman did note the company is rushing to fit flat bottom steering wheels to its entire lineup.   

"CHECK ENGINE" DASHBOARD WARNING TO BE REPLACED WITH LARGER "HOLY #@%&#!!!" LIGHT

Recent research conducted by someone recently showed that 75% of drivers ignore a glowing CHECK ENGINE dashboard warning, a conclusion that has prompted automakers to not only increase the size of the lamp, but to also change its wording to HOLY #@%&#!!!

Parksplug graphic artist and pest control technician
Whirley Allen Lumbly forgot to press the
yellow focus square on his "<>?{}!ing iPhone
before taking this photograph.  

"We wanted to get people's attention," explained automotive safety expert "Tootles" Quaid, who confirmed that, as far as he knows, Randy, who is no relation, is still holed up in Canada.  When asked what word is represented by #@%&#!!!, Quaid appeared confused and began trembling.  "I think it's 'Criminy,' but I'm not sure," he replied before complaining of stomach distress and rushing from the room.  

RELATED NEWS:  
DESPITE AUTOMAKERS' ACTIONS, PARKSPLUG TO REPLACE #@%&#!!! WITH

 “<>?{}! TO REPRESENT CURSE WORDS

Ignoring widespread outrage from their four followers, editors for insipid automotive blog Parksplug are vowing to forge ahead with their plan to replace  “#@%&#!” with “<>?{}! to represent curse words.  

Lunabird Fiskermacher, the co-chair of Parksplug's Lexicology Department, said the time for change is nigh.   “The time for change is nigh," she said, adding, "#@%&#! has been used for far too long.  We considered other options, such as 
‘:-+),’ which looked too much like Kiefer Sutherland after sucking on a lemon, and ‘FFFFF,’ which was easy to type but opposed by the Fraternity of Future Farmers, Fire Fighters and Frackers.”

Despite the complaints, Fiskermacher defiantly vowed the controversial change will occur soon.  “We worked very hard to try to make everyone happy. Those who aren’t can kiss my <>?{}!.”

CASH-STRAPPED PUBLIC SAFETY AGENCIES TURNING TO RIDESHARING SERVICES TO RESPOND TO CALLS

An unidentified Uber driver and police officer
Buck Puddles transport Fidget Zink to jail. Zink
was arrested for public intoxication and performing
naughty acts with a Karaoke microphone

Ridesharing services like Lyft and Uber are growing in popularity, and much of their new business is coming from cash-strapped public safety agencies that can no longer afford to purchase and operate fire engines or a fleet of police patrol cars.  


"It's been a godsend for us," said police chief Lupe Lou Ferrigamo-Siegenthaller, whose nameplate extends four inches past the side of her uniform shirt and scrapes the wall as we walk down the hallway of her precinct.  "We were spending 60-thousand a year just to keep our old Crown Vics running, but now we don't have to pay for maintenance or gas. Plus, we don't have to clean up the mess after a drunk vomits on the seat.  We're very pleased."  

Lyft driver Achilles Frangidakis drives firefighter Gabbett Gherkie
to an emergency call involving an overheated waffle iron

CHECK OUT THE NISSAN LEAF'S 545-HORSEPOWER RANGE-EXTENDING ENGINE

According to Nissan, the Leaf electric vehicle travels about 84 miles on a single charge.  For most of us, that's sufficient for commuting or around town driving, but not enough range for longer trips. That's why Nissan recently introduced the GeneraToR, a 545-horsepower GT-R engine/generator in a trailer that can be hitched to the back of the Leaf.

Nissan's trailer-mounted GeneraToR is
powered by the company's GT-R
twin-turbo V-6 engine.  

The GeneraToR automatically starts up when the car's battery drains to about a 10-percent charge.  "You don't want to be standing near that trailer when it lights up, "says Nissan spokesman Archie Cemento.  "It's downright scary, and the exhaust heat will melt your Skechers if you're standing too close to the pipes," he chuckles.

While the price has not been disclosed, Nissan does claim the GeneraToR provides enough power for approximately 2,100 miles of driving.
Unfortunately, hauling the 950-pound trailer drops the Leaf's range back down to 85 miles.

When asked his thoughts about BMW's new i3 with its two-cylinder range extender engine, Cemento just laughs.  "Yeah, that's just what everybody wants--a car that looks like a computer mouse with a scooter engine."

FORD ADMITS DESIGN OF 2016 MUSTANG RETRACTABLE HARDTOP NEEDS WORK

After the design of the upcoming hardtop convertible Mustang
was widely panned, Ford is considering adding a
folding mechanism for the metal roof.

"The lines don't flow as well as we'd like.  Maybe the metal roof should have a folding mechanism."

Ford engineer Jesus Wang

IT'S NOT JUST THE MUSTANG: OTHER CARS PIPE ARTIFICIAL NOISE INTO THE CABIN, TOO

The blogosphere was set ablaze by the discovery that engine sounds from the 2015 Ford Mustang's EcoBoost four are actually simulations played through the car's speakers.  "A turbocharged four normally sounds like your Aunt Peggy passing gas while sitting on a haystack," explained veteran auto engineer Barth Atchoo.  "Ford wanted a soundtrack that would better appeal to Mustang owners."

But it's not just Mustang owners who are listening to electronically-reproduced sounds.  Here are other examples provided by Barth Atchoo:

All variants of the Toyota Prius automatically play NPR
through their speakers, unless the owner removes fuse
#17A, which, of course, he won't know how to do

Get Yer GED Now! audio program plays continuously

Dr. Phil's Manage Your Anger In 10 Days program
plays through old Marantz speaker with blown tweeter  

PARKSPLUG'S EXPERT TIP OF THE DAY

"WHEN INSTALLING A CRATE ENGINE IN YOUR HOT ROD, DON'T FORGET TO REMOVE THE ENGINE FROM THE CRATE."

Tonto Pitts, Hot Rod Builder  

"I NEED SOME HELP" PLEADS VW'S ONLY PLAID SEAT SEAMSTRESS

SPIKE IN GTI SALES HAS 84-YEAR-OLD UPHOLSTERER WORKING LONG HOURS

Alva Bobnoff, 84, stitches up a
plaid GTI seat 

While it's good news for Volkswagen, a recent surge in sales of the Golf-based GTI has the company's sole plaid-qualified seamstress working nearly 15 hours a day.  "I'm 84-years-old," complains Alva Bobnoff.  "I'm the only seamstress who knows how to work with plaid, and I'm flat worn out."

While leather seating is an option on the GTI, most buyers prefer the traditional plaid seats, and that means more work for Bobnoff.  "My boss brings me one bottle of Ensure after another just to keep me going, but really, they need to hire more people who can work with plaid," she said.  "It would really help if you could ask people to please order the leather seats," Bobnoff told Parksplug.