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| Which is which? Ram ProMaster is on left, actor Vigoda on right |
"THE PROMASTER LOOKS JUST LIKE ME!" CLAIMS ACTOR ABE VIGODA IN LAWSUIT
Attorneys for 93-year-old actor Abe Vigoda say they have filed suit against Ram trucks, alleging the company copied Vigoda's face when designing the ProMaster cargo van. "It's too close to be a coincidence," claimed the actor's attorney Nan Anana-Heyheygoodbye, adding, "We've had ProMaster owners tell us they've had people walk up to their vans and ask for an autograph."
Ram denies the allegations, although the company does acknowledge that ProMaster lead designer Orlov Trotter "was a huge fan of Barney Miller."
POLICE SAY CRASH CAUSED BY ILLEGIBLE HANDWRITING ON STARBUCKS CUP
"IF THE BARISTA HAD BETTER HANDWRITING, THIS WOULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED."
Police Officer Toshi Bonfiglio
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| Nougat Steech's car rests against a tree, which some walking by thought was a Prairie Horizon Alder (Alnus Hirsuta Harbin) |
Police accident investigators blamed a "coffee shop barista with bad handwriting" for a non-injury vehicle accident that occurred early this morning.
According to officer Toshi Bonfiglio, motorist Nougat Steech had just left the drive-through at a nearby Starbucks coffee shop when she became preoccupied by something the barista had written on the cup. "She was trying to discipher it and got distracted and hit a tree," said Bonfiglio. "Fortunately, she's okay." A handwriting expert at the police laboratory subsequently determined the writing on the cup said, "Race together."
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| Driver Nougat Steech was trying to read the message on this cup when she crashed |
"It's his fault," Bonfiglio said of the unidentified barista while holding up the cup for reporters to see. "He writes as if he's holding the pen with his feet. If he had legible handwriting, this accident would never have happened."
Starbucks apologized to the driver and offered her a free Verismo To-Go 12-ounce tumbler and 50 packs of Via instant coffee, police said.
GM TO START RECALLING OTHER BRANDS
| GM SAYS IT HAS FINISHED RECALLING ALL ITS OWN VEHICLES; WILL NOW START RECALLING OTHER BRANDS |
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| This 2008 Malibu, shown parked outside Silas Fudge Chevrolet was the last recalled vehicle to be repaired by GM. |
Asked what brands GM intends to recall, Cadwallader said that no decisions have been made. "I will tell you, though, that we're done with ignition switches," she said. "Our technicians want to work on other things. Honda has some door lock problems that look interesting, so maybe we'll talk to them," said Cadwallader.
CALIFORNIA TO MANDATE SWITCH TO PAPER AIRBAGS
"The problem with nylon is that in order to recycle it you first have to grind it up into teeny little pellets using a small hand-crank meat grinder, which is very labor intensive," Lewey said just before fleeing the state. It is not yet known if vehicle manufacturers will supply the paper bags or if customers will be required to provide their own.
THE PARKSPLUG INFORMANT
THE LATEST BREAKING, UNFOUNDED, UNSUBSTANTIATED AUTOMOTIVE NEWS
DO BREATHE RIGHT'S NEW GRILLE STRIPS WORK BETTER THAN EXPENSIVE AFTERMARKET AIR FILTERS?
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| This older BMW 745i gained eight horsepower after installation of Breathe Right Steer Cleer grille strip |
Breathe Right nose strips help millions of people sleep better by opening nasal passages. Now the company is focusing on improved engine breathing with its new Breathe Right Steer Cleer grille strips.
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| Breathe Right spokesperson Apostrophe Squitt inhales deeply to demonstrate the effectiveness of the company's nose strips |
"Wind resistance pushes grille shutters closed, blocking airflow," explained Breathe Right spokeswoman Apostrophe Squitt. "The flexible Steer Cleer strip gently pulls on the vanes, keeping them open." Squitt said that while the strips are presently available only in tan, they can be painted to match any vehicle color. We forgot to ask if they work better
than expensive aftermarket air filters.
IS MERCURY ABOUT TO MAKE A COMEBACK?
Ford not commenting on spy photo that reportedly shows upcoming Park Lane sedan
cribbed from Ford Fusion
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| Roof design of possible 2017 Mercury Park Lane pays homage to mid 60's Mercurys |
IS THE F-150 RAPTOR BEING REPLACED BY THE MRAPtor?
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| Sent to us anonymously, this picture appears to be a dubious mixture of impressionism, realism and a dash of fauvism. The vehicle shown selfishly dominates the harsh yet delicate surrounding landscape, and motion is poorly conveyed through the attempted use of diaphanous layers of sand. Needs work, but you're on the right track--see me after class. Bring your easel. |
The adjacent picture, purportedly showing Ford's MRAPtor off-road, military-inspired truck, was secretly slipped under our door by an anonymous person sometime last night. The fact that it was the bathroom door made the deed all the more intriguing.
We have no more information about the MRAPtor. If you have details, our bathroom door is always closed.
WHY DO WE KEEP ASKING RHETORICAL QUESTIONS?
EXPERTS SAY VEHICLE OWNERS TO BLAME FOR GLITCH IN NEW DIGITAL DASHBOARDS
Consumer Reports says thousands of owners have complained about electrical gremlins affecting their vehicles' all-digital dashboards, but experts at Consumer Reports are placing the blame squarely on vehicle owners themselves.
"We call it the 8-Ball complaint," said the magazine's Technical Editor Odette Spinkler, who said owners mistakenly try to reset the dashboard by shaking it. "The owner's manual expressly states 'Do not shake the dashboard', as it can cause unusual displays and unwanted bubbles," said Spinkler. "If they see strange messages, owners should just turn the dashboard over gently to reset it," she added.
"We call it the 8-Ball complaint," said the magazine's Technical Editor Odette Spinkler, who said owners mistakenly try to reset the dashboard by shaking it. "The owner's manual expressly states 'Do not shake the dashboard', as it can cause unusual displays and unwanted bubbles," said Spinkler. "If they see strange messages, owners should just turn the dashboard over gently to reset it," she added.
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| Consumer Reports says shaking the dashboard can cause the display of unusual messages such as those shown above |
FINANCIALLY STRAPPED NASA USES OLD WIENERMOBILE FOR ASTRONAUT SPACE STATION TRAINING
While the final numbers haven't yet been decided, it's all but certain that NASA's annual budget will be cut once again. In an effort to proactively cut spending, the space agency announced at a press conference today that it has sold the near life-sized Space Station Mockup and Training Facility, or SSMTF (pronounced ssmtf), and astronauts will instead practice inside and outside a twelve-year-old Wienermobile recently donated by the Oscar Mayer Company.
According to NASA spokesperson Pogo Smode, astronauts Donde Womberger and Snapper Gumbling, Jr. will spend the next six months living inside the faded yellow and orange wiener, which is parked behind NASA's gas station and vehicle service building at the Johnson Space Center in Houston. Smode praised Oscar Mayer, saying its leaders were "true patriots", and he choked up as he recounted how the company presented NASA with not just the Wienermobile, but also a couple of cardboard hot dog signs and a blue portable tent.
During a dramatic demonstration for reporters, Womberger took a simulated spacewalk along the Wienermobile's stern while Gumbling polished the vehicle's chrome wheels with the seat of his space suit.
According to NASA spokesperson Pogo Smode, astronauts Donde Womberger and Snapper Gumbling, Jr. will spend the next six months living inside the faded yellow and orange wiener, which is parked behind NASA's gas station and vehicle service building at the Johnson Space Center in Houston. Smode praised Oscar Mayer, saying its leaders were "true patriots", and he choked up as he recounted how the company presented NASA with not just the Wienermobile, but also a couple of cardboard hot dog signs and a blue portable tent.
During a dramatic demonstration for reporters, Womberger took a simulated spacewalk along the Wienermobile's stern while Gumbling polished the vehicle's chrome wheels with the seat of his space suit.
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| Astronaut Snapper Gumbling (L) polishes wheels while Donde Womberger (upper right) practices for a future spacewalk |
SMART'S FORWHO? MAKES A SPLASH IN THE BURGEONING "CHICK TRACTOR" SEGMENT
SMART FORWHO? JOHN DEERE SERIES
For years, Sporklift has been an industry leader in heavy-duty sporklifts, but with their new Little Forker model, the company is wading into light-duty waters.
Despite being derisively dismissed by some as "chick cars," vehicles such as the VW Beetle, Mazda Miata and Fiat 500 have achieved decent sales numbers, a fact not lost on auto manufacturers. In keeping with that theme, but also trying to appeal to more agrarian-minded women, Smart has teamed with John Deere to fire the first salvo in the "chick tractor" segment with its Forwho? John Deere series tractor/mower.
"We're seeing more female buyers than ever before," said Smart John Deere Brand Manager Cordial Yowitz. "When women mow or move dirt, they want something that is cute and sporty, and our new Forwho? John Deere series really fits the bill." The darling little Forwho? goes on sale just in time for spring planting.
FIRST LOOK: SPORKLIFT'S NEW LIGHT-DUTY LIFT TRUCK
For years, Sporklift has been an industry leader in heavy-duty sporklifts, but with their new Little Forker model, the company is wading into light-duty waters.
The company claims the 6,500 lb. capacity, cushion-tired Little Forker leaves fewer tine imprints than the competitor's similar Foon model, and is equipped with an 11.8 inch diameter, two-spoke steering wheel with free-spinning knob as standard equipment.
The company claims the redesigned sporks are tarnish resistant and never need sharpening.
The company claims the redesigned sporks are tarnish resistant and never need sharpening.
PROFESSOR OF AUTOMOTIVE LINGUISTICS SAYS MANUAL TRANSMISSION H-PATTERN SHOULD BE CHANGED TO AN "M"
A University of Milton researcher is calling upon the world's automakers to do away with the entrenched "H" pattern manual shifter and replace it with a modified "M".
Automotive Linguistics professor Rico de Gallo said the
H-pattern is outdated and it's time to give another consonant the opportunity to be displayed on automotive shift knobs. "I'm not advocating something extreme, like switching to a vowel," claimed de Gallo. "But besides being archaic, the H-pattern is a glottal fricative and the M is a labial fricative, which I think is much more pleasing to both the eye and the gear."
Here are Parksplug, we think the H works fine and that Professor de Gallo is a glottal fricative.
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| Prof. de Gallo used a Kuretake Zig Cartoonist Mangaka Outline Pen, which is half the length of its name, to draw his proposed shift knob |
H-pattern is outdated and it's time to give another consonant the opportunity to be displayed on automotive shift knobs. "I'm not advocating something extreme, like switching to a vowel," claimed de Gallo. "But besides being archaic, the H-pattern is a glottal fricative and the M is a labial fricative, which I think is much more pleasing to both the eye and the gear."
Here are Parksplug, we think the H works fine and that Professor de Gallo is a glottal fricative.
FIRST PHOTO! RAM'S NEW ARTICULATED HEAVY-DUTY PICKUP!
Responding to complaints that heavy-duty, long-wheelbase pickups are difficult to maneuver around town and in confined areas, Ram has announced it will introduce the industry's first "bendy-truck," calling it the Pivot Cab.
Long a feature seen only on buses and streetcars, the hinged rear section will be available on Ram's 2500 and 3500 single and dual rear wheel models.
When asked how the driveshaft connects to the rear wheels, Ram engineer Pigeon Sykes appeared stunned, then uttered, "Oh crap," and hastily left the room.
Long a feature seen only on buses and streetcars, the hinged rear section will be available on Ram's 2500 and 3500 single and dual rear wheel models.
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| "I like it because it's more maneuverable, plus, I can look out my side window and see if my dog is still in the bed," said potential buyer Ditto McScab |
ANGRY CUSTOMERS TATTOO CAR DEALER'S ANNOYING SLOGAN ON HIS FOREHEAD
An unruly group of customers who were reportedly angry over having a car dealership's advertising slogan affixed to the back of their brand new cars took matters into their own hands yesterday, allegedly tattooing the dealer's own catchphrase onto his forehead.
Police said the group of about ten male and female suspects held down Flip Harkness, the owner of Flip Harkness Kia, and tattooed "Flip Harkness Kia says yes!" on his head. "I paid $30,000 for my car and I don't want your stupid advertising stuck to it," one of the attackers reportedly told Harkness as he tattooed the final dot under the slogan's exclamation point. "See how you like it," one woman shouted as the group ran from the dealership.
Although the suspects claimed to be former customers of the dealership, Harkness was unable to identify any of them. "I don't mingle with customers," he explained. Police spokeswoman Pudding Bunson also added that the suspects all wore Peter Schreyer masks. When asked if his dealership will discontinue adding the unwanted decals, Harkness declined to answer and broke into tears. Other than some redness around his new tattoo, he was not injured.
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| Flip Harkness, owner of Flip Harkness Kia sobs after a group of suspects tattooed his dealership's slogan on his forehead |
HEALTH EXPERTS: IF YOU'RE GOING TO ROFL, DON'T DO IT IN THE GARAGE
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| Don't ROFL in the garage, says CDC |
If you ROFL in your garage, you're much more likely to come into contact with gasoline, oil and other harmful chemicals that can be absorbed through the skin. That’s according to researchers at the Centers for Disease Control, wherever those are.
At a news conference today, Dr. Sanka Belcher told reporters, “Please save your questions until after the presentation.” Then she went on to say, “Only a small percentage of those who claim to be ROFLing actually are, but those who do so in the garage expose themselves to dirt, grime and even grit. It's even more harmful than ROFLMFAOing, although the physical changes aren't as immediately apparent.”
Belcher recommended that people try to LOL instead of ROFLing, but said those who can’t refrain from ROFLing should shower frequently using plenty of Goop Hand Cleaner.
MAKE MONEY RENTING OUT YOUR CAR AND SPOUSE WHILE YOU TRAVEL
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| Boutros-Boutros Scrivner, who sells solar-powered cattle branding equipment, rents Fifi Scudder and her car at the airport in Nanty-Glo, Pennsylvania |
But a new startup called BRideshare takes that one step further, renting out the car owner's spouse along with the vehicle. In exchange, the car owner receives a free tank of gas, a car wash, complimentary STD testing and a few bucks in his or her pocket.
Fifi Scudder, who told Parksplug reporter Fetch Lumbke that her husband Porter is frequently out of town, says she and her Mazda make about $400 a month from their BRideshare rentals. "Porter doesn't know, so please be discreet," she pleaded. Parksplug complied by slightly blurring the photograph of Scudder with traveling salesman and renter Boutros-Boutros Scrivner.
CHRYSLER'S 2016 PACIFICA HITS THE BULLS-EYE FOR LARGE, FLAT-HEADED FAMILIES
300 SEDAN + TOWN AND COUNTRY MINIVAN = 2016 PACIFICA
Chrysler's recipe for cooking up the 2016 Pacifica was actually pretty simple: Blend the low-slung roofline and front clip of the Chrysler 300 with the lower body of the Town and Country minivan. The result is a sporty eight-person hauler that is perfect for a squat, flat-headed, fun-loving family that enjoys funeral processions or trips to Bed, Bath and Beyond.
"Our research confirmed that there are a lot of people with tuna can-shaped heads out there looking for something...(cell phone rings)...Hello?...hey, can I call you back? No, I'm busy right now. I gotta go...(hangs up)...large enough for the entire family yet sporty at the same time," said Chrysler spokesperson Wrigley Spuck.
The standard engine for the Pacifica, which will be available with either front, diagonal or all-wheel drive, will be Chrysler's ubiquitous* 3.6 liter V-6. An available hybrid version will be powered by a Rowan Atkinson-cycle V-6 paired with a Abarth Punto Evo defroster motor mounted directly to the rear axle or pretty close to it.
*Ubiquitous: [yoo-bik-wi-tus]: Small country on the Caspian Sea to the left of Uzbekistan.
SPY PHOTO CONFIRMS CHEVROLET RETURNING TO TAILLIGHT GAS FILLER
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| Photo taken by Fubar Toots shows gas cap behind hinged taillight assembly of a 2016 Chevrolet Impala |
Now, a photograph taken by Parksplug's ace spy shutterbug Fubar Toots just before he was partially eaten by a pair of angry Nottweiler* security dogs guarding the GM compound appears to confirm a rumor that the 2016 Chevrolet Impala will feature a gas cap concealed behind a hinged taillight assembly.
*Editor's note: The Nottweiler is a less expensive, more troublesome version of the Rottweiler. It is sometimes referred to by its owners as a "Tribute Rottweiler."
BIG CHANGES ALREADY EVIDENT AFTER HYUNDAI HIRES TEAM OF BIRTHDAY CAKE DECORATORS
OLD FASHIONED CHROME EMBLEMS AND PIN STRIPING OUT; CAKE WRITING, ROSES AND COLORFUL SQUIGGLES ARE IN
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| Fresh-off-the-line Sonata displays Hyundai's new birthday cake inspired motif |
Well, if this doesn't take the cake: Hyundai is replacing traditional chrome emblems and pin striping with birthday cake inspired font and colorful squiggles on its entire vehicle lineup. "We think it's fresh and a lot more upbeat," explained Hyundai spokeswoman Ginseng Chizzle. "It just makes people smile."
Chizzle said that while some models, including the Sonata, still display a few chrome name badges, those, too, will eventually be replaced with the cursive frosting-like writing created by the company's new team of former cake decorators. All lettering is done by hand, which poses some challenges, according to Chizzle. "Can you imagine trying to write neatly with a frosting nozzle as the vehicle moves along the assembly line?"
AUDI EMPLOYEE FIRED AFTER USING SPORTS CAR'S LASER HEADLIGHTS TO PERFORM WRINKLE-TIGHTENING PROCEDURE AT AUTO SHOW
NEW R8'S LASER HEADLIGHTS ALLEGEDLY USED FOR WOMAN'S SKIN-RESURFACING TREATMENT
An Audi crew member assigned to look after the automaker's next-generation R8 model while it was on display at this month's Geneva Auto Show is accused of using the car's high-tech laser headlights to perform a skin-tightening procedure on a woman who was attending the show.
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| Before and After: Gazel Mudge was happy her wrinkles were gone but complained that her face was no longer centered on her head |
32-year-old Florian Blatter, an Audi employee who lives in the small Swiss village of Friedrichshafenschingenlingen, which lies about 12 kilometers (39,370 feet) south of Busto Arsizio, admitted he charged a woman 200 Swiss francs to smooth her skin using the R8's laser lights.
Authorities say 78-year-old Gazel Mudge was not injured and seemed to be pleased that her wrinkles were gone. She did, however, complain that her face was no longer centered on her head. "It's off to one side," complained Mudge. "Plus, he forgot to do my neck."
Blatter contended that neck tightening was not included in the price paid by Mudge. "That's an extra 100 francs!" he shouted as he was dragged away by security personnel.
An Audi spokesman said the company has apologized to Mudge and will pay to have her face centered.
CLARKSON GETS NEW JOB
"I DON'T NEED TOP GEAR."
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| Days after being suspended from the BBC television program Top Gear, Jeremy Clarkson began working as a Yeoman Warder, also called a Beefeater, at the Tower of London. In the photo above, he snaps at a child for writing her name on the wall with a felt tip marker |
COURT STRIKES DOWN STATE'S BOY-GIRL-BOY OR GIRL-BOY-GIRL VEHICLE SEATING REQUIREMENT
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| Court throws out ban on girl-boy-boy, boy-boy-girl, girl-girl-boy, or boy-girl-girl seating arrangement |
Judge Jubilee Scheindlin, speaking for the three-member panel, said, "This litigation to each of the benefit of authentication of any plaintiff in close proximity and acting solely by the greater actions evidenced, thereby constituting the meaning in section 2a of the indenture."
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| District Attorney Dink Bonanno |
Local District Attorney Dink Bonanno said he was disgusted by the court's action. "I can't cotton to two fellers sitting right next to each other, especially when one of them is sitting on the parking brake handle. That's sick."
FUN MEASURERS ADVISE PARKSPLUG: TIME-HONORED "BARREL OF MONKEYS" SCALE IS OBSOLETE
The National Society of Fun Measurers told Parksplug yesterday that the phrase, “More fun that a barrel of monkeys,” is out of date and should no longer be used. That, after the moronic automotive blog used the line to describe a stint behind the wheel of a Hayabusa-engined Borgward Isabella.
According to veteran fun measurer Yeti Bowel III, there are several problems with the barrel of monkeys phrase. “First, even though they might look like they’re having fun, monkeys, particularly the younger ones, don’t really like being inside a barrel. It’s a new generation and they’re different from their parents and grandparents." Furthermore, "PETA gets all pissed off anymore whenever anybody even jokes about sticking a monkey in a barrel,” said Bowel.
Asked what sort of measurement might replace the barrel of monkeys benchmark, Bowel replied, “Nobody knows. Maybe some sort of digital fun meter.” His voice cracking, he added, “I’ll sure miss those monkeys, though.”
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| Fun Measurer Yeti Bowel III |
Asked what sort of measurement might replace the barrel of monkeys benchmark, Bowel replied, “Nobody knows. Maybe some sort of digital fun meter.” His voice cracking, he added, “I’ll sure miss those monkeys, though.”
COUPLE WHO BOUGHT FORMER POLICE BAIT CAR TRAPPED INSIDE SINCE LAST TUESDAY
Kanye and Yahtzee Sperber thought they were getting a great deal on the 1982 Toyota Camry they purchased from a police auction, but after being locked inside the car for nearly a week, they've come to regret their purchase. Unbeknownst to the Sperbers, the Camry was used by police as a bait car to catch auto thieves.
The bait car allows officers to follow unsuspecting crooks and, using a laptop computer, remotely shut down the engine, close the windows and lock the doors. That's what unexpectedly happened to the Sperbers and their dog Mr. Sprinkles, except the police were not involved. "We donated that laptop months ago to Habitat for Humpbacks," explained police department spokesman Ruger Wong.
Meanwhile, the Sperbers have one remaining bottle of Nestea and a small bag of wasabi-flavored Funyuns. "We're trying to keep ourselves upbeat and amused," said Kanye. "We play a lot of Slugbug," he added as he rolled up his sleeves to show the purple bruises on his arms.
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| Kanye and Yahtzee Sperber and their dog Mr. Sprinkles have been trapped inside their Camry for nearly a week |
Meanwhile, the Sperbers have one remaining bottle of Nestea and a small bag of wasabi-flavored Funyuns. "We're trying to keep ourselves upbeat and amused," said Kanye. "We play a lot of Slugbug," he added as he rolled up his sleeves to show the purple bruises on his arms.
CUBBY MILLIGAN IN BIG TROUBLE AFTER CONDOM FOUND JAMMED IN VACUUM CLEANER IN MOM'S HONDA ODYSSEY
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| Cubby Milligan |
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| Tinkles Milligan |
PARTY'S OVER--COWS COME HOME
RETURNING HERD BLOCKS TRAFFIC FOR 30 MINUTES
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| A driver is forced to stop as cows come home |
An untold number of motorists and partygoers were inconvenienced yesterday afternoon when the cows unexpectedly came home.
Downtown traffic was blocked for about 30 minutes as the herd slowly made their way home. In addition to frustrated commuters, revelers were disappointed when they found out the party was over. “I’ve always heard people say, ‘Party ’til the cows come home,’ and that’s what we were doing, but never in a million years did I ever think they would actually come home," said a dejected Clifford “Bob” Narvello, adding, "It’s too bad, it was a great party,” .
Downtown traffic was blocked for about 30 minutes as the herd slowly made their way home. In addition to frustrated commuters, revelers were disappointed when they found out the party was over. “I’ve always heard people say, ‘Party ’til the cows come home,’ and that’s what we were doing, but never in a million years did I ever think they would actually come home," said a dejected Clifford “Bob” Narvello, adding, "It’s too bad, it was a great party,” .
27-year-old Kitten Teragamo said those attending the party had just started playing the drinking game 21 Monkeys "when all of a sudden the front door flies open and this entire herd of cows strolls in. That’s when we knew the party was over,” she said with tears streaming down her cheeks.
FORD COMPLAINS THAT AUTO SHOW AWARD TROPHY IS ACTUALLY A HOME DEPOT LAMP
Two months ago, the Ford Motor Company was elated when their new F-150 pickup won the 2015 Truck of the Year award at Detroit's International Auto Show. Joe Hinrichs, Ford President of the Americas, wore a proud smile as he stood on stage clutching the gold trophy after accepting the award.
But now, that jubilation has turned to anger and resentment. Ford alleges that, rather than being an $18,000 one-off creation of Tiffany and Company jewelers as show organizers claimed, the trophy is nothing more than a Home Depot ceiling lamp.
"A member of our management team was at Home Depot purchasing a doorknob and a Homer bucket and happened to see the lamp. He recognized it immediately and even took a picture of it with his phone," explained Ford spokeswoman Gelato Yumbuzz.
While auto show organizers have declined to comment on the allegations, Yumbuzz said Ford has already returned the lamp to Home Depot. "We got a store credit for $135.00 instead of cash because we didn't have a receipt."
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| Ford's Truck of the Year trophy (L) and Home Depot's "Tuscan Fountain" ceiling lamp (R) |
"A member of our management team was at Home Depot purchasing a doorknob and a Homer bucket and happened to see the lamp. He recognized it immediately and even took a picture of it with his phone," explained Ford spokeswoman Gelato Yumbuzz.
While auto show organizers have declined to comment on the allegations, Yumbuzz said Ford has already returned the lamp to Home Depot. "We got a store credit for $135.00 instead of cash because we didn't have a receipt."
PARKSPLUG DICTIONARY: (and, by the way, screw alphabetical order!)
GUBER: A clueless Uber driver
AUTOMATED MANUAL: Used in place of "same difference" or "Dodge Ram"
GNIRGRUBRUN: The name of the course when the Nurburgring is driven in the opposite direction
PONSTAR: A sexy-sounding Onstar operator
SPORT FUTILITY: A four-wheel-drive vehicle that constantly gets stuck when off-roading
SCHNOZZLE: A larger nozzle used for fueling diesel vehicles
DREDGISTRATION: Trying to locate your registration form buried in the glovebox after being stopped by the police
ASSININE: The pain, on a one-to-ten scale, felt when a metal spring protrudes through your car seat
PARALLELOBAM: When your car's self-parking feature suddenly quits working
LATEST LAMBORGHINI SPELLS OUT NAME IN SIGN LANGUAGE
Lamborghini proclaimed today that it's the first automaker to spell out its name in sign language. According to the Sant'Agata based manufacturer, customers can order a new Huracan with either the traditional chrome Lamborghini script affixed to the panel below the rear window or sign language symbols in the lower black panel. Commented one unnamed Parksplug editor, "That's cool, because that way someone who is hearing impaired will know what kind of car it is."
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| The Huracan is the first model to feature the name Lamborghini displayed in sign language |
AUTOMAKERS RESPOND TO DOCTORS' WARNINGS ABOUT TOO MUCH SITTING
Health experts warn of a host of negative health consequences as a result of too much sitting, including heart hiss, hip thud and lopsided cecum. Now some automakers are stepping up to the plate and producing vehicles that can be driven while in a healthier standing position.
26-year-old Corky Bunger, who spends most of his eight-hour workday behind the wheel delivering gluten-free tongue depressors to medical offices, recently bought a new stand-up Ford Festivus. "I was sitting so much that my doctor said I was developing a scooped pelvis," said Bunger, a condition that disappeared a month after getting his Festivus. "I highly recommend driving while standing," said Bunger, adding "Don't forget to order the sunroof."
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| Corky Bunger stands while driving his new Ford Festivus |
JEEP STRIKES GOLD WITH GLASS BOTTOM WRANGLER
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| Jeep's new glass bottom Wrangler is a top seller |
"We thought it would appeal primarily to off-roaders because they can easily view the terrain underneath their Jeep, but surprisingly, it's selling well across the board," said Rance Wormley, 52, who doesn't work for Jeep, and instead runs a mobile mammogram business out of a tribute Citroen H Van but claims to "also know a lot about Jeeps and stuff."
Archie Gallenkamp said his new glass bottom Wrangler is fun to drive. "I especially enjoy driving down the street really slow counting cigarette butts," said a widely-smiling Gallenkamp.
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