MOB ENFORCERS SAY TRUNK EMERGENCY RELEASE HANDLE KILLING THEIR BUSINESS

Glow-in-the-dark trunk release levers, first introduced in the 2002 model year, are credited with saving dozens of lives.  But not everyone is celebrating.  "This law has had a disastrous effect on what used to be a thriving industry," complained Frankie "Bones' Pietrobono, who described himself as a local businessman and "solutions provider."  

"Businessman" Frankie "Bones" Pietrobono
is anguished after discovering that a person he referred to as
"a trunk-based fellow carpooler" has vanished 

"I work hard to provide for my family," he said, "but these excessive and pointless regulations are hurting us little guys." One politician who is coming to the rescue of Pietrobono and others like him is Congressman Shick Molitor.  "Small businessmen like Frankie are the backbone of America," said Molitor, "and they need our help. I've already introduced a bill that would delete the glow-in-the-dark coating from the handle.  It's not a complete solution, but it's a start."