HATCHBACKS FOR HUMANITY CELEBRATES 10th ANNIVERSARY

 Hatchbacks for Humanity, a volunteer organization that builds bland and uninspiring cars for the less fortunate, celebrated its 10th anniversary at its headquarters yesterday with plenty of cake and Diet Squirt to go around.  

"Our vision is a community in which everyone--regardless of their income or legal driving status--can own a mundane, underpowered hatchback with sticky brakes and lifeless steering," Hatchbacks for Humanity President Paco Lumpkin told an attentive crowd of nine, all of whom appeared to be there just for the cake.  

Hatchbacks for Humanity volunteers practicing looking in different directions

Mayor Kissie Canaveral was on hand to read a proclamation that included a seemingly endless litany of "whereas's" before thankfully getting to the "thereby," and christened a new bright red hatchback by smashing a bottle of Night Train Express against the car's right front fender.  

"We're going to keep churning these things out until everyone has a hatchback," vowed Lumpkin as Canaveral, on her hands and knees, licked dripping wine off the car.